T:caring - over empathically	Q:Something that rarely gets mentioned in personal accounts of caring for a parent or other close family member is the fear that some of their early signs,  ie: short term memory loss,  can inspire in oneself. That and a fear of genetic inheritance. I am far more aware now of suddenly losing a word that was perfect for what I was about to say or write and,  although everyone I know suffers similar lapses,  they become more troubling when you have had one parent end their <time_period> in 'a state of unknowing'. In a sense,  I've found that spending too much time,  beyond my capacities,  can have this effect . It's as though one almost catches the suffering endured by the sufferer. Has anybody else experienced this?	A:Hello Everyone, It's coming up to <time_period> since the love of my life passed away. <time_period> of marriage passed so quickly and now I'm left to reflect on my life,  and what a life it's been! <name>,  I understand only too well your fear of ever suffering with Alzheimer's. Almost daily I find myself checking for signs of failing short term memories. Fear,  was about the first thing I learned in life,  but I also learned to deal with it. There are advantages and disadvantages in life and every aspects of life and when you see the disadvantages as challenges to overcome,  you become stronger and reap the rewards.  I owe a big thank you to Healing Well for the support I received during my care giving <time_period>. Some of you may remember my story of caring alone for my wife 24/7 <time_period>. I had removed her from a <institution> when she could no longer speak,  move and rigidity had set in. She was skin and bone suffered with bad pressure sores. I chose to stop all medication except for liquid pain killer. <time_period> after arriving home one evening,  I summoned a <professional_practitioner> for advice. He advised that I not sit holding her hand over night,  as she was likely to pass away when I went to the bathroom or to make a drink.  Somehow I managed to bring her back to physical health and we enjoyed an extra <time_period> together! Strange as it may seem I now find life much harder without my soul mate. I would happily swap places to be caring for her in the blink of an eye. She was my salvation,  my purpose for living. She left me with the strength to carry on because she made me whole.  Had I not suffered the whole of my childhood by being locked away from the outside world and deemed a criminal at age <num> by the courts in <location> and sentenced to <time_period> detention,  I could never been capable of caring as I did. For a child to grow up never to experience love,  never mind nurture,  when love walks into such a person's life they don't let it go.  Without a formal education,  I managed to learn so very much about the strange new world I was released into as a <time_period> old. For the first time the hidden story of every kind of abuse inflicted on children in the Industrial Schools system in <location>,  was released to a shocked world in <month> of this year. So long my secret shame is no more but theirs to live with.  I'm hoping that by writing about my experiences of how I viewed caring for my wife,  will help in some small way those caring for loved ones. Had I just written of my getting up each morning at <time> and going for a run,  then to do the caring,  washing,  cleaning,  cooking,  shopping,  etc every single day for <time_period> on end,  it would be hard to believe. With that in mind I have written about my background and life after I found love.  My book is going into production on <day> and it's titled; 'Dare to Dream'.  about fear; to me it means that someone,  or some thing has control over you. Once I took control of our lives my fear vanished,  I became a winner.  Hope this post is not too long.  May your God go with you.  <name>


A:MY sweet friend it has been so long i was away was in <institution> myself on life support rough go but i am here i can really empathise now with ad peeps in the same situation to an extent i have real bad memory gaps memories are gone . when i came out of seizure i did not remember <name> my daughter i am still battling these demons i have with trying to remember so many things i have forgot it is very hard to see the look of puzzement on <name>s face when i cannot remember someone something. twist of fate my friend i wonder all those yrs i looked after ad peeps . hmmm. i can honestly say it is very scary for me so i am a lot more in tune with others in same simuliar circumstances. cant wait to read your book i was on the journey with you for so long my friend. love n blessings. <name>


A:<name> I'm glad you are back & doing better.  Still on <num> 24/7.  Last week <name> had me to the <institution>, <professional_practitioner> said the next time we may not be able to bring you back. They thought I had the flu but I didn't, just a small infection in the lungs.  They were ready to send me to the hosp.  when I say NO!  I got a shot in de butt, extra inhale meds for my nebulizer & I came home.  I'm doing ever so much better. I am going to get a finger Oximiter soon to keep check on my <num>. When I went in <day> it was <num>, not good at all. is <num> now. 


A:<name> my friend plz plz do look after you we are old war horses us lol so we dont give up w/o a fight ya they basically said to gather family for me i wasnt coming out of it but a couple <time_period> later here i am it has been so hard to depend on <name> for everything i get so frustrated fell last night from the dang nueropathy in my legs broke my glass coffee table. scared self n <name> to death but we are fighters sis sokeep up the fight nice to be around eh ,  my best to you n <name>. love <name>


A:<name>,  I feel so sad to learn of your condition. After all the <time_period> you gave to others,  I sincerely hope that you receive the very best support you so richly deserve. After my experiences with caring for my wife,  I find it very upsetting to keep reading and seeing the frustration that both loved ones and care givers are repeatedly put through.  I'm only too aware that everyone is different: care givers and their loved ones,  but there are so many common factors that come with this illness. By writing my story I'm hoping that many of the ways I managed to cope with looking after my wife on my own for <time_period> will prove useful to others. Circumstances differ for each person that make it impossible for almost anyone to go it alone.  It was my good fortunate to have been capable of managing alone. We were a couple; she <age> and I,  <age>; married <time_period>,  by the time she passed.  It'll be reward enough to know that by reading our story,  it will help and encourage other caregivers through the challenges of providing loving care for their loved ones. At a cost of $<num> to publish,  I expect little or no return for our story,  it's just something I felt compelled to do.  There have been times I've felt down since <name>'s passing. Some might call it depression,  but like a <month> hare I fight it by running <distance> each morning at <time>! Hang in there <name> and keep fighting.  May your God go with you.  <name>


A:My sweet friend and mentor . i have missed our talks so much . i am not doing the greatest but i know others are worse off than i am so i live each day thanking him for what i do have left and feeling blessed. i hope this post finds you well my friend and that we shall contiue our journey together.  I would love to read y your book you gave me a lot of insight into what your love for <name> was all about. unconditional and never with boundaries. may my God bless n keep you safe. love <name>


A:<name> you have Alzheimer's too? When did that happen? 


A:Hello <name>, It's so sad to find that you are unwell. You have given so very much and you now deserve the best of care there is in return.  With reference to the book. I finished it some time ago and there is just one small outstanding item; the pen name on the cover requires amending. It should be available by the end of the month.  As for me? There are periods I find myself lost and try to get back into the mindset I developed as a child of shutting out the world. There's the constant fear that many AD sufferers find ever present; of being 'put away' when one can no longer cope on one's own. I'm still fighting those fears with the morning run. At <age>,  I must be at least one card short of a full deck.  As view stories on different Alzheimer's sites it's noticeable that care givers still encounter the same problems I experienced with <name>,  and the advice rarely changes. In choosing to do my own thing by ignoring set boundaries,  I found some success and discovered the gift of caring for her to be a many splendid experience.  Some of the interaction between <professional_practitioner> and care givers brings to mind a story. A fellow visited a <professional_practitioner> with a sore eye. He explained: That every time I drink a cup of tea I get this sharp pain in my right eye. The <professional_practitioner>: Do you take sugar? Patient: Yes,  why do you ask? Answer : I suggest you remove the spoon from the cup! It's good to see the funny side of life.  Take care,  and may your God go with you.  <name>


A:<name> my friend i am currently undergoing neuorlogical testing to find out what is going on with me exactly.  <name> came home found me face down on a glass coffee table in a grand mal seizure from there i was on life support with tubes in every orrice i have lol. i did not remember mom n dad died didnt remember <name> <time_period> . my hearing is totally gone now and hv neuropathy in both legs. i sit here day after day forcing self to try to remember events in my life some i cant i know it frustrates the ppl around me as i am consantly asking questions over n over again. i panick constantly and hv become housebound. i so despise what has happened to me but i will get thru it with good friends like you . add me to messenger if you would like k . luvs ya . <name> we will get thru this my friend


A:<name>,  I too had a parent pass away from alzheimers. You didn't state how old you are,  not that it matters much because many people develop symtoms at an early age,  I was just wondering. Another question,  are you on any meds that could be causing you issues with memory lose. I take <medicine> (<medicine> generic) and it does cause me problems with remembering words or people. When my mother started showing symptoms her <professional_practitioner> ordered a <diagnostic_test> of her brain and it showed she was having mini-strokes. We had no idea. What I am saying is there could be something else that may be causing your problems. This sounds like something you need to discuss with your <professional_practitioner>. It may be an easy fix. Good Luck! 


A:My friend. we did have a journey together and i definitely know your love n caring for GMA <name> kept her going for as long as she did. i am so sorry i was not around my friend. things are hard between <name> and i right now she angrily cried out to me that i had died in <institution>. i know she is not being horrible she is hurt too many losses. having to become the majority parent since i have been ill and <name> is gone. i feel very isolated anymore confusinjg at times cry so much it hurts but i still get up each day ready to tackle a new day hoping i have learnt from mistakes from day. s before ya know. i hope this finds you full of turkey my friend. May your God bless you n keep you safe. luvs. <name>
