T:Alzheimer's	
Q:Hi,  I am new on here. 
 I seem to have nobody to talk to,  at least not someone who would understand. 
  My father is <age> years old and has been in a very nice <institution> for <time_period>. 
 I love my Dad so much and at first I started going to see him almost every day. 
 He seemed like I was helping a little. 
 My step mother and I are the only close relatives so we started going every other day and that went well for awhile. 
 Then I started going and he doesn't know me,  walks off from me looking for someone else or just sitting not talking at all. 
 I have truly been devastated by this. 
 I have had servere depression for <time_period>. 
 I sit in there with him and end up crying,  even though I try not to. 
 I have health problems COPD and cannot drive myself. 
 My husbands takes me and either waits or picks me up later. 
 By the time I get out of there I am hardly breathing,  tears eyed and my mouth feels like sand is in it. 
 dry and can hardly move. 
 I have been in the <institution> <num> different times for attempted suicide. 
 I am feeling suicidal and put off going to see him. 
 then I feel guilty for not going to see him and even get more depressed. 
  I am responsible for watching my grandchildren. 
 <num> who is <age>,  <age> and <num> older ones while their parents work. 
 I want no part of getting down again. 
 My family couldn't handle it if they found out. 
 They have already put up with too much from me. 
  I still see a <professional_practitioner> 
 On a regular basis but trying to get through this without too much dramaI find this altizmers simply worse than death. 
 my father is there but yet he is gone. 
 I have dealt with all kind of issues and I am <age> old but I cannot deal with my Daddy in this state. 
 I am a real mess. 
 I want to help him but I feel like I am such a terrible daughter. 
 I love my Dad so much. 
 I am hopeless. 
 <name>	A:I hear you - and I've been there! Please vent about it! There's not much very comforting i could say - except I have too good of an idea of what you're going thru. 
 That may be of some comfort! My Mother just passed <time_period> ago - while in an <institution> for Dementia and Parkinsons for <time_period>. 
 And before that,  she did have a 24/7 <professional_caregiver> in her own home for <time_period>. 
 Her diagnosis was dementia just before the 24/7 <professional_caregiver>  started - when she was in a <institution> after falling down at home - and being virtually helpless to get up herself. 
 I too have COPD . 
 so i know the limitations that one can be under . 
 and how stress can magnify those limitations. 
 If you're on <medicine>,  I would certainly take it just as you're starting your visit with your Dad. 
 The <medicine> typically lasts <time_period> and starts working within <time_period> or <time_period>. 
 If you're taking <medicine> and/or <medicine> - I would certainly take those the morning of visiting. 
 I'm on both daily - and they work well. 
 I'm also a cancer patient - so I am on chemo and HT on an ongoing basis. 
 My Mother passed peacefully and with the help of hospice - even while she was in the <institution>. 
 Her memory was a long spiral downward over <time_period> - and yes . 
 it does hurt to watch that happen. 
 I know! If you can,  try not to blame anyone for this . 
 and try to accept it as a cruel situation that you must deal with or tolerate. 
 It is the cruelest to the survivor - and not the patient at some point. 
 In the meantime,  please try to continue with professional counseling help. 
 Medication may be needed . 
 but think of it as - if you can't function,  then you can't do anything for your Dad either. 
 Or for that matter,  the rest of your family. 
 Sorry you are going thru this . 
 but you're not alone there . 
 too many of us are or have been already! Peace and wellness<name> & <name>


A:Your post made me feel like you truly understand. 
 I guess that is all I needed to know that someone does understand me. 
 I haven't gone for a couple of days and I have decided to have shorter visits and have a different outlook. 
 Thank you for caring. 
  


A:Hello again . 
 Just a few short thoughts: I was visiting my Mother once a week - seldom more often. 
 And about every <time_period>,  I would bring my dog to see her too. 
 The facility was very strong in pet therapy - and they had house dogs,  so an visitor was encouraged to bring their dog - especially if the patient knew that dog. 
 At the end,  Mom though I was bringing her dog to see her. 
 She and her husband used to breed and show dogs,  so her timeframe was about <time_period> to <time_period> displaced by then. 
 I think it's far better to visit less often - but to bring a positive attitude with you. 
 And . 
 don't ever blame yourself for any of this! I did put together for <date>,  a collage of photos to hang up in her room. 
 There were about <num>-photos covering her parents long ago - all the way up to a photo of time_period> ago. 
 First,  I think it made her feel more comfortable being in a strange room. 
 Then,  it covered about <time_period> of her life - good memories and for something for her to relate to daily. 
 Keep loving . 
 but no guilt . 
 OK! <name> & <name>
